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We started decorating for Christmas this past weekend and while it was the best fun, it was so difficult. Difficult because all we could think about was Selah. Dreaming about what it could be like – how tricky it could potentially be, decorating a tree with an almost 18 month old who is pulling the baubles off as we put them on! These are moments I cannot wait for, however particular I am with my tree decorating!!!!! 

The reality, as I’ve said before, is that however many incredibly happy Christmases we have ahead of us, we are always going to have a very excitable child missing when the decorations get brought down from the loft, never get to tuck one of our babies into bed on Christmas Eve with new pyjamas on and always have a child missing on Christmas morning, when we’re woken up with lots of giggles and ‘pleeeeease can we open our presents’, at silly o’clock in the morning. Selah will always be missing. It’s a harsh reality and one that is making this time of year very hard. These are some of the most precious moments we dream of when we have children, am I right? There dreams we’ve dreamed for years. 

Luke and I have still been dreaming though, dreaming of the traditions we can begin to do to remember Selah and include her into all of our Christmases, and ALL of the days in between. It has quickly become a favourite thing to dream of, even though we wish we were not having to do so, in this way. 

As we count down the days to Christmas, I’m thinking and sending so much love to all of you who are finding this season hard. Loss and grief, of any kind, can make Christmas particularly hard and I just pray that you’ll feel so comforted and supported as you prepare for the holidays. I hope you’ll still be able to smile and laugh and make some of the happiest memories this year, even if those special people are missing. Be kind to yourself, take time out whenever you need to, see the people who will make you feel special and who will give you permission to do whatever you need to do to get through this next milestone. You’ve got this! I believe in you! 

All my love for a wonderful Christmas and I’ll see you in the New Year 🙂 

Claire xo