April 25th. A day we dreamt of. A day we were scared of. A day we couldn’t wait for. A day we will never ever forget.

We’ve been told many a time how peaceful and relaxed planned cesareans are. It’s the truth! We had a completely unforeseen delivery BUT, we’re just so thankful our little man is here safely…

We woke up around 5am, we showered, we snuggled in bed for a while and had time to process the day that we were about to have. THE craziest feelings and biggest mix of emotions happening all at once. The joy and excitement of meeting our second child. The fears of losing another child, not actually being able to believe we would hold a child who was breathing in our arms, in a matter of hours. Choosing to have the faith and hopes of actually being able to hold a breathing child in our arms. So. Many. Emotions.

We arrived at the hospital around 8am and were taken straight to our room, where we met our consultant, our midwife and the rest of the team who would be with us that day for delivery. Everything was so slow and chilled and it helped keep us feeling safe and sound. We were told we’d be first or second down to theatre so I was prepped for surgery, Luke was given his scrubs to wear (he would live in scrubs if he could! He finds them the most comfy!!) and we chatted, laughed and soaked up those moments of being together.

We walked down to theatre at 11:45. It was the most surreal feeling, walking into theatre, knowing that we were moments away from meeting our baby!

Everything was so calm and relaxed in that room. We had worship music playing the entire time and we were surrounded by the most amazing team who looked after us so well, surrounded by a team who grieved with us that we should have Selah with us but a team who were celebrating the miracle we were about to meet. We felt so incredibly safe, the entire time.

12:12pm was the moment we heard our baby’s cry. It was the most amazing sound. We cried. We had waited for this moment for so long. We had only been able to imagine what hearing a cry at our baby’s delivery would sound and feel like. We were so overjoyed but we were aware of the grief too – we went straight back to Selah’s delivery and remembered the haunting silence in that theatre room when she arrived. So still and so silent. So traumatic, so intensely painful. Another tension because at the exact same time, as Albert arrived, we were crying happy tears. We were laughing and thanking God that our baby was here.

The consultant held our baby up above the screen and said, ‘It’s a boy! Here is your son!’ He was perfect.

Albert was handed straight to Luke. We just looked at him, admiring his mop of dark curly hair, just as his sister had. He looked, and still does, look so much like Selah. It’s such a beautiful thing. He was then handed to me for skin to skin but it was hard to hold him in a way that was comfortable for him, since I was still laying very flat and was being prodded and poked while they stitched me up!!

Around 15minutes after birth, two doctors came running in. The atmosphere never once felt panicked or fearful but we were immediately aware that something must not have been right. Our midwife did the most amazing job of keeping us in the loop with what was happening. We were informed that Albert’s breathing had not been great and that he needed to be taken to be monitored by the doctors. We could still hear him crying but it had lessened. Luke went over to see what was happening and shortly came back to my side, with the midwife, to tell me that Albert was needing to be taken straight to special care to have some help breathing. It was all very crazy in the moment but again, no fear, we just kicked straight into parent mode and said, ‘take him and do whatever you need to do to help him and ensure he is safe and well.’

After 30minutes or so, I was all stitched up and was being wheeled back into our room. Luke was with Albert and my parents came into the room with me, so I wasn’t alone. Luke face-timed me from special care so I could see that Albert was doing okay.

I wasn’t able to go and see Albert for around 5 hours while I had an IV drip that helped my uterus contract back down. This was soooo hard for me. As you can imagine, all I wanted to do was to see our son. 5 hours felt like a lifetime, I have so much admiration for the parents who go so much longer before they can see their little ones.

Around 5:30pm, I was wheeled through to SCBU to see Albert. I was so excited but it was so hard and so sad to see him in an incubator all hooked up to monitors and with wires all over him. He was being so well looked after but babies are so vulnerable in these early days and it made me so sad to think I couldn’t just hold him. I was sad at the thought that he’d been so close to me for 9 months and then all of a sudden, he’s on his own and can’t hear or feel my heartbeat and know that I was close. All I wanted to do was scoop him up but the most Luke and I could do was sit next to his incubator, lay our hands gently on his back and speak to him. He would respond to our voices and try and turn his head each time – the absolute SWEETEST moments for us, which we’ll remember forever.

There’s so much more to tell of Albert’s week in SCBU – the highs and lows! Part two of Albert’s birth story will be up in the next few days…

All my love to you all,

Claire xo