I prepared myself for how hard last September was going to be. A year since we met Selah. An entire year since we said our hello’s and a year since we said our ‘goodbye for now’ to her. If I’m being honest, I think I thought this September would feel a bit easier. Maybe I’d feel a bit more grounded, a bit more healed up. Perhaps more at terms with Selah’s death. I don’t know…

I want to say, this September is of course different. We have our sweet Albert here with us, who makes us smile constantly and who is continuously the biggest ray of sunshine in our lives. However, when I was up feeding him the other evening and noticed, ‘1st September’ on my phone, my heart sank. I felt sick, I felt anxious. I lay in bed remembering how this time two years ago, I was 38 weeks pregnant with our sweet girl, totally unaware of the grief that we were about to face. The memories, the unknown haunts me still.

September has always been a favourite month of mine. The beginning of Autumn, a new season actually, my favourite season. The only part of September I’ve always found hard are the darker evenings!! September now, has it’s many tensions – so much grief, the most painful memories amidst the joy of meeting our daughter, finding out we were pregnant with Albert on her due date anniversary last year, announcing our second pregnancy to our families…so many highs and lows.

September is a month of SO many milestones which we will be aware of forever. Milestones which we wish we were not having to reach yet milestones which are exciting, hopeful, redemptive and healing.

I suppose I just wanted to ‘mark’ this September, to recognise it as another part of our healing that we are facing and walking through. I guess I wanted to share with you, all the emotions that we are feeling as yet another September rolls around. Another September that we aren’t getting to plan the sweetest birthday party to celebrate our girl turning two. Our celebrations for her birthday just look different than what yours may look like for your children but you bet, we’re still gonna be celebrating, rejoicing and remembering our Selah girl as best as we possibly can, remembering the legacy she has left in our lives.

Selah, thank you for making our Septembers so much brighter.

Until next time,

Claire xo