In the early days, after losing Selah, we made a decision that we would never say we didn’t have a child just to avoid awkward conversations. We understand how difficult it must be to try and respond to, “yes, we do have a child but she died’ but the truth is, we don’t even expect a response. We are speechless too, so how on earth can we expect someone to know the perfect thing to say back? However, amidst the awkwardness and the pain of having to say such a sentence, we will never not talk about Selah. We will always acknowledge her, speak of her, share her with people we meet and always allow her and her story to be woven into every part of our lives.
I feel so passionate about parents feeling free and able to talk openly about their child who isn’t here, being able to tell people their stories. How sad that so many parents feel they need to ‘hide’ that part of their lives, the part of their lives that should never be forgotten, however painful the memories.
I don’t want this post to sound critical to those who haven’t experienced this kind of loss. I am not having a ‘dig’. I am simply just wanting to break the silence around baby loss. These children need to be remembered for the legacies they have left, for the mark they have left on so many lives. A child who isn’t here, is still someones child.
To all the Mums and Dads who are facing this loss, you’re doing so well. You are so strong, so brave and so courageous. You and your child matter. To all the parents who feel afraid of sharing your story, the pressure is off. Don’t feel rushed into opening that part of your heart if you don’t feel ready but know, that when you are ready, there are people around you who will hug you, sit and listen and love you in this season of great pain. To all of you who are longing to have more children, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve, to heal. Your future babes are coming. To all you parents who do have children here and haven’t lost, you are amazing! Please, hug your littles a little tighter tonight, embrace the chaos, just drink an extra cup of coffee (it’s no biggy if your coffee goes cold because you’ve been running around!) if you are sleep deprived but try and love those night time snuggles, feeds and disturbances. I’ve been told it doesn’t last forever! I am not patronising any of you, I just want our story to inspire you to help you see the beauty(s) you have in front of you and to remind you that all the inconveniences are totally worth it. Children are absolute miracles, all of them, whatever your story of bringing them into the world. Enjoy them and soak in all the moments of crazy. You’re doing a great job!
This week, as Baby Loss Awareness Week begins, I am celebrating all of the babies who are here and grieving with all the parents who have babies who aren’t here, but still celebrating their lives with you. I am hopeful for you, for an exceptionally, happy future.
All my love to you all,
