“Be kind to yourself” – the words that have truly helped us to navigate our way through this storm.
I distinctively remember feeling so overwhelmed with the pressure of needing to know the answer to, ‘what now?” It’s a terrible reality that in the midst of the worst nightmare, you’re feeling the pressure to have all the answers, have a plan of what is next etc.
“Be kind to yourself. Choose to do things that bring you life, bring you comfort and bring you hope. That’s what you need most of right now.”
These words have honestly been a life line for us. There were mornings where we didn’t want to get out of bed, but Luke and I would look at each other and ask the question, “what does being kind to ourselves look like today?” Some days it was simply getting up, cooking a nice breakfast and heading out for walk. One day it was ordering an electric coffee grinder from Amazon which we had wanted for a while but hadn’t wanted to spend the money on (!!) and other days it was just being okay with letting ourselves cry for hours on end whilst we flicked through the handful of photos we had taken of our sweet Selah.
I think it’s so important that we remember to make decisions that will benefit us, instead of worrying about others. Somedays it was so easy to say yes to a visit from friends because we didn’t want to let them down or offend them but, we quickly became good at saying no and knowing what our heart and emotions could take, from day to day.
Our faith, trust and belief in God has truly been what has seen us through this year. Trusting in Him over and over again and choosing to have absolute faith in Him, His goodness and becoming even more aware of the reality that we will see our daughter again, has really been the biggest choice for us when it’s come to being kind to ourselves. Our hope in God has offended so many – how can God be good when your daughter has died? How can you worship and thank Him when you’ve just had to bury her? We’ve experienced the goodness and faithfulness of God in these past 12 months, more than we ever have done. It’s a total mystery as to why Selah died. She was perfect. Nothing was wrong with her. Our pregnancy was so smooth, so why this ending? The question we will never have an answer to but, as I said, knowing we’ll see her again one day brings the greatest comfort and the greatest hope and joy for us.
What am I trying to say? Be kind to yourself. Whatever your beliefs, whatever the hope is, that you have to hold onto, however you want to grieve, process and heal, please just be kind to yourself, think of yourself, do whatever YOU want to do. There’s no right or wrong way to process loss, there’s no handbook that has 10 ways to best deal with grief, you just have to do what you feel is right, for you. The pressure is off. Look after yourself. Cry, laugh, scream, throw things if you need to (!!) and grieve. You’re amazing and are doing so well. Believe in yourself and please know, you WILL see brighter days again, I PROMISE YOU! You will smile and be able to dream again.
